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I have always been uncomfortable with the destructive nature of unmanaged or poorly managed conflict. True, some conflicts don’t have a happy resolution possible; I am not in favor of sacrificing authenticity for peace. However, I often see situations where two or more people in conflict wind up in a destructive outcome, even if they don’t need to. It’s as if the conflict was left unfinished or wasn’t fully explored to find a better resolution. In these scenarios, both sides simply accept the negative consequences as unavoidable, and move on as best they can.
To me, these types of situations are occasions for sadness. It’s like watching a car wreck in slow motion that doesn’t need to happen. Life is too short and too precious to not give our important relationships the patience and care they deserve to reach their potential. This is true whether we’re talking about family relationships, community relationships, or work relationships. In my experience, most conflicts, even those that feel stuck, can achieve a happier outcome than many think possible. Sometimes, they just need a little help.
I started this mediation and conflict resolution practice to provide that help. I view my role as a mediator as simply to empower individuals to resolve their conflicts as optimally as possible, on their own terms. In mediation, it is my responsibility to help each side pursue their interests as defined by them. Sometimes, positions or interests compete. Often, with patience, deeper understanding emerges, mutual compromises are made, and all parties walk away in a better position than at the start of mediation.
I approach each mediation with curiosity, compassion, and respect for the autonomy of both parties. I encourage everyone involved to stand for what they believe and be real with where they are at. Hiding our feelings or being inauthentic does not help achieve true peace. All mediations are different, and different situations or personalities require different approaches. Sometimes, parties are looking for help with their interpersonal relationship, a cut and dry agreement on practical matters, or some combination of the two. Whatever the needs are, I do my best to understand and meet people where they are at, and provide each party with what they need from the session.
Like many practitioners, mediation is something that I have done informally throughout my life. My formal experience with mediation started by taking a 40-Hour Community Mediation Class with the Conflict Resolution Center of Santa Cruz County following a brief internship. Since then, I have regularly mediated in a number of settings, including the Superior Court of Santa Cruz Small Claims Division, community mediation, and parent-teen mediation.