Family Mediation
Left unresolved, family disputes can damage relationships and have lasting negative consequences. Often, family counseling or therapy is a great way to address difficult dynamics and help family members get along better. Sometimes, however, certain issues or conflicts may also benefit from mediation.
Mediation can help to deepen understanding between parties, improve relationships, and reach specific agreements that serve to address key issues or conflicts. It is a voluntary process, with all parties involved in the creation and agreement of any mediation outcomes.
I currently offer mediation for:
- Co-parenting disputes
- Parent-teen disputes
If you have a family conflict and are curious if mediation is right for you, reach out to me at [email protected] to schedule a free 15-minute call to learn more.
What is Family mediation?
Family mediation is a structured process designed to enable everyone involved in the conflict to discuss the issues in a constructive manner in order to develop practical solutions to the disagreement at hand. With mediation, all involved parties can:
- Share their side of the story
- Be heard and understood
- Hear the other party’s story
- Get to the root of the issues
- Develop constructive solutions that work for both sides
- Create and formalize an agreement on how to move forward
Often, involved parties put agreements made in mediation on paper. Written agreements serve as a reference point to help all parties navigate the conflict moving forward. However, sometimes an agreement may not be necessary or desirable.
Co-parenting mediation is a process in which separated or divorced parents (or parents who are still together) work together to resolve disputes and make decisions about their children’s upbringing. Co-parenting mediation can help parents:
- Establish communication guidelines between parents
- Form decision making strategies
- Agree on terms regarding appropriate activities for children
- Find solutions for specific issues or disputes unique to the situation
- Reconcile different parenting styles
- Set expectations around coordinating schedules
- Establish guidelines on how to handle extended family involvement
Parent-teen mediation is a process that helps parents and their adolescent children address and resolve conflicts and issues that arise during the teenage years. Common issues addressed in parent-teen mediation may include:
- Communication expectations
- Deepening understanding and acknowledgement of each other’s positions and interests
- Rules, boundaries, and expectations
- School-related issues
- Peer relationships
- Technology and screen time
- Responsibilities and chores
- Curfew and outings
- Substance use
- Emotional and mental health
Often, parents initiate mediation to address behavior patterns that they find troubling. At the same time, it is often the case that deeper understanding and acknowledgement of the teen’s experiences and interests is key to a successful mediation process. While there are certain power differences inherent in a parent-teen relationship, mediation is a two way street.
With mediation, the involved parties are in the driver’s seat. Participation is voluntary, and nobody is forced to make agreements that they don’t want to make. Instead of top-down judgements deciding and enforcing outcomes, solutions come directly from the parties in the conflict. Often, mediation provides the opportunity to deepen understanding of the situation, address the root cause of the conflict, and creates the possibility for more harmonious and productive relationships moving forward.
How Does Family mediation Work?
Family mediation involves several separate steps. These include:
- Case intake and scheduling
- Mediation
- Follow up assessment
Initially, I conduct separate 15-30 minute phone calls with each party that will be involved in the mediation. During these calls, we discuss the basics of the disagreement to determine if it is appropriate for mediation. If it is not appropriate for mediation, I will let you know ASAP.
If the case is appropriate for mediation, all parties fill out intake paperwork, a confidentiality agreement, and an agreement to engage in mediation. At the same time, we all set a mutually agreeable time and format to conduct the mediation. Once the mediation has been scheduled, payment is due.
The actual mediation session(s) can take place in person or over Zoom, depending on logistics and preferences. During mediation, all involved parties meet with the me at the same time. The session is typically broken into several separate stages:
- Introductions: I introduce the mediation process, review the ground rules and expectations, and answer any questions.
- Stage 1: Each party starts off by sharing a brief overview of their perspective of the conflict. From there, I will ask questions and hear from each party to gather more details about the conflict and understand the important issues for each party. During this phase, all parties speak with me directly, not the other party. Stage one often takes the majority of time in a mediation session.
- Stage 2. Once it feels as if everyone has shared what they need to during stage one, parties begin talking directly to each other about the issues at hand. During this phase, I guide the process to ensure that discussions stay respectful and productive. Depending on the nature of the conflict, potential solutions to the issues may start to emerge. Note: During stage one or stage two, I may set aside some time to talk privately with each party.
- Stage 3: During the last stage, parties propose, discuss, and agree on solutions to the conflict. During this phase, I continue to guide the conversation to keep it on track and work towards mutually acceptable agreements. Often, agreements are written up and signed by both parties.
- Wrap up: Once the agreement (if any) has been signed, we wrap up the mediation session and say out goodbyes.
After the mediation session, I will email each party involved in the mediation a follow-up assessment to complete.
Co-parenting mediation sessions are typically 3 hours in length. Parent-teen mediation sessions are typically 2 hours in length. However, mediation sessions can be shorter or longer depending on the needs of the parties and the nature of the conflict.
The Role of The Mediator
As a mediator, I am present to guide the conversation, deepens understanding between parties, keep everyone on track, and work toward constructive solutions to the important issues. Throughout the process, it is my responsibility to:
- Stay neutral
- Maintain a level playing field
- Ensure that all parties have the opportunity to fully share their position
- Facilitate constructive communication
- Identify the important issues
- Develop creative solutions
- Help negotiate an effective and lasting agreement
It is also my responsibility to NOT take sides or assign blame. I also do not make any decisions regarding the conflict or how to address it; any solutions that emerge from mediation must be voluntarily agreed upon by all involved parties.
Things To Know About Family mediation
- Mediation is voluntary: Mediation only happens if both parties want to mediate and the case is appropriate for mediation. Any involved party can leave at any point during the process. Nobody is forced to make agreements that they do not want to make.
- Confidentiality: All information shared in mediation is confidential unless all involved parties agree otherwise.
- Legality: Community mediation agreements are typically not legally binding. Community mediation is an opportunity to work out key issues on an interpersonal level in order to avoid costly legal battles. If all parties agree, written and signed agreements reached in mediation can be introduced as evidence in court in the event the dispute proceeds to litigation.